Whod you bang
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
