i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
