i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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