I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
