and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
