I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
