i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
