omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Randomize
