I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Alive.
So much puke
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Randomize
