Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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