why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
