I want to make a zoo with you.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Randomize