after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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