saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
