Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
