38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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