It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
