i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize