I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Randomize
