awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
