two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
