NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
should my penis look like a turkey
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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