her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize