So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
