Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
