What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
