ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize