She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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