A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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