I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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