A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
