it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
