I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Randomize
