when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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