the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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