I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize