just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
