Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
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