We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize