I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
