Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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