pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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