tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
