Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
