Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
