and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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