Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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