We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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