Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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