It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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