i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
