he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
