maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Randomize
