why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
