I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
