And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
