That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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