the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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