In the future we'll all be gay
Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize
