I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Randomize
