i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
