WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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