I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
