Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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