don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
