I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
