I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Randomize
